Lessons learned?

How to begin it all?

So, you might remember that I wrote last time about being told that it seemed like I wanted a girlfriend "RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW." Yeah, I’ve had some time to think about it, and maybe that’s partly true, but not entirely. To rewind all the way back, let me start with this week. I feel like this week has been incredibly busy and just a complete rollercoaster in terms of how I’ve been feeling, my energy, emotions, and stress. Some days, I woke up feeling ready to take on the day, while on other days, I woke up thinking, "Fuck, today is going to be difficult."

I also started stressing a lot about how to make everything in my life fit together. What job should I apply for? How am I supposed to find time for everything? Where am I going to live? I currently have my own place, but it’s in Hillerød, and I’ve applied for a looooooot of student housing in Copenhagen. As you probably know, though, the waiting lists are extremely long, so that probably won’t happen anytime soon... I also think my energy was affected by everyone around me this week. I heard several people from my class talking about how they had found student housing and would soon be moving here. I also constantly hear about when and what everyone else is doing with their partners and friends, and that really affects me too, because right now, it feels like I don’t have anyone.

But that isn’t entirely true. I had started seeing a girl from China who lives in Denmark. Her name is "Lulu," and she is incredibly sweet. She was actually also the one who told me thing about how it seemed I wanted a girlfriend. We went out for dinner on her birthday, took a walk, and sat talking on a bench for hours. I actually went home that day with the best feeling, finally thinking that I had found "my person." We are both busy, so naturally, we don’t text that much, but we at least try to see each other whenever we can, and I’m completely fine with that.

We went out yesterday (Friday), but there had actually been a misunderstanding, and I didn’t think I was invited, so I arrived in Copenhagen very late. We went to a bar with her friend and some of her friend’s friends (one from Bulgaria and two from Singapore). It was really nice, but toward the end of the night, I realized, or at least felt, "Wow, we haven’t really talked or even looked at each other," even though she was the reason I had come in the first place. When I left that night, she was a little quiet, and deep down, I just felt like I had been "played" and that she probably didn’t see it the same way I did.

She told me that she just wanted to see where things would go. I didn’t fully understand that yesterday, but she sent me the word "Yuanfen."

(Yuanfen (缘分, pronounced ywen-fen) is a Chinese cultural concept that describes a fateful coincidence, a predestined affinity, or the mysterious invisible thread that binds people together).

Yesterday, I actually told her that I didn’t think the two of us were meant to be. But maybe I interpreted everything the wrong way. Maybe there is something beautiful about simply seeing where things go instead of chasing one specific outcome from the very beginning. Sharing experiences and building a connection before making a decision... or really, just allowing things to unfold naturally. I don’t know whether that was the last time we will talk or see each other, but she brought happiness into my life at a time when I was feeling low, and she genuinely lifted me back up again. "Innocent and not weird," as she always said. Thank you, Lulu <3